You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
