My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize