# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
