I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize