i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
