I just gift wrapped bread.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
