You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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