just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
