In the future we'll all be gay
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Randomize
