It was confusing and full of hummus
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
