Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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