i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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