well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
