I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We are two peas in an std pod
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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