Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
