She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
