she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
