I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
