onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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