Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
