You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize