yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
