Me. At least after what I've been through.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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