Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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