he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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