I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
