I have demons in me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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