if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well you can't waste a boner
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just found a bag of teeth...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
