dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
