i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
