I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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