If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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