im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
