So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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