I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize