Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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