I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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