Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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