never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
