Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
