Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
