Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
