lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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