I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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