i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
