guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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