I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
