i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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