So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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