Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
