Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
