just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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