I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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