I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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