I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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