Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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