So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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