your parents love me but you hate me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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