She is in my trunk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize