What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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