So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
