I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
