Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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