Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
