Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
