Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize