You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found puke in my bra..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
