is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
