my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
