I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
