fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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