i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
