Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My ass is underappreciated
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
