I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
