drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
