I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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