whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
