stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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