the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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