4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
