he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Pooping to opera.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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