i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
