Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
