I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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