I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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