Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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