Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
