you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm too high and old for this...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
