Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
