My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
