I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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