dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
