People in love make me want to vomit
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
