Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
