Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have tasted many bathrooms
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
