Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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