and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
