Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
