come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
