me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
