it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
