once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
