curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
