My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
