You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
