The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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