We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
