When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
