There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
